Fellow somatic sexologist and educator Jaiya Ma (who was featured in a goop Netflix original called ‘Sex, Love & goop’ – I’d highly recommend) has spent her career studying what turns people on the most. Over time, she has developed something called the Erotic Blueprint, which is basically an arousal map that sheds light on your primary erotic language. She defines those erotic languages as: energetic, sensual, sexual, kinky, or shapeshifter which we will take the time to define below.
Step 1: Define your blueprint
The sensual type is someone who’s turned on by all of their senses being ignited. This is someone who loves tastes, smell.
The energetic type is someone who is turned on by anticipation, space, tease, longing, yearning.
The sexual type is someone who is turned on by what we think of as sex in our culture. That’s typically nudity, orgasm, penetration, etc.
The kinky type is someone who is turned on by the taboo.
The shapeshifter type is someone who’s turned on by everything all the other languages are turned on by.
Step 2: Heal your blueprint
The healing part is healing the shadow aspects of the blueprints. Emily Nagoski (who wrote Come As You Are which we absolutely love) talks about research on the brakes and the accelerator on our eroticism. In this case, the brakes are the shadowy parts. The accelerator is all of the things that feed & stimulate your blueprint. But what happens if you want to accelerate, but you’ve got your feet on the brakes? You can never reach your true erotic blueprint. At least according to Jaiya.
Here are typical shadows for each corresponding blueprint:
Sensual type shadow – Get too deep into your head.
Energetic type shadow – Shutdown due to too much stimulation.
Sexual type shadow – Too focused on the orgasm.
Kinky type shadow – Feeling shameful about your taboo turn on.
Shapeshifter type shadow – They always feel too much. They’re oftentimes starving because they’re so busy feeding others.
5 Sexual Manifestations to Make 
Introducing Porn Into Your Relationship 
When There is Desire Discrepancy in Your Relationship 
The Art of Sexual Embodiment